Do Not Watch States of Grace

MAN! I was looking for an uplifting movie that rocked and Richard Dutcher did not come through. I guess it makes sense that he tagged it as God's Army 2 even though it shouldn't be considered a sequel at all. The truth of the matter is that he probably added the God's Army 2 tag so we as a consumer would be like "Oh, just another crappy sequel," when in reality, it was a horrible original that just happened to have LDS missionaries in it.

Taco Bell Assisted Me in Self-Sabotage

After playing FIFA 08 on my parent's Nintendo Wii, I had a monstrous craving for the lovely Taco Bell. After talking to my lovely and supportive wife she allowed me to take a trip south of the border. I knew that I would get the usual, three crunchy tacos and a burrito of the day which is to add a little flare to the routine. Due to my wife and I's inadvertent vow of poverty, our trips to the Bell have been limited to approximately once every other week, which is a drastic change from 2-3 visits per week (a.k.a my working days), I have been able to make quite a bit of progress on my quest to an amazing upper body.

After this one trip to Taco Bell, my stint of fitness has gone into a tailspin and in lieu of doing ab workouts I'm watching Setanta Broadband and releasing the CH4 buildup that Taco Bell has given me. Moral of this story, don't eat Taco Bell if you want washboard abs.

John Denver Was A Confused Vampire

John Denver once said "Early to rise, early in the sack" this does not mean that he is simply a country boy. This slip up shows that the late John Denver was in fact a confused vampire, forever believing that it was opposite day. Which makes me afraid, is it possible that rural America and 70% of Republican states are in fact un-intelligent vampires? I believe this should be a true concern of the media in the presidential race, forget Romney's faith and the possibility that Obama maybe Islamic, half of the voting populace could be vampires. Does this not scare anyone?

Oh well, you heard it here first.

Michigan Loves the Mormons

Since I make the rules here, I'm breaking one. I'm writing about politics.

The press better do another quick sweep of Wikipedia for an LDS misconception to exaggerate nationally, because Mitt's still running strong. That's right, strike one up for the Mitt-a-nator. Romney has won his first major primary in the race for the presidency; according to MSNBC Romney now leads Huckabee nationally by 10 delegates. Only 1,149 to go.

My Apology

I want to say sorry, to anyone who read my blog about the town hall. Beyond my own expectations I wrote a blog about politics. It will never happen again.

Why It's Hard to Find a Job.

My wife and I have just returned from a church workshop on careers and employment. The missionaries that were giving this workshop did an excellent job and it really provided me with some incite on how to effectively find a job.

In the LDS Employment Resource book entitled "The Career Workshop" there is a section on the importance of networking. Previously to our discussion on this section I felt that the phrase "it's all a matter of who you know" was reserved for rappers and actors, boy was I wrong. The book cites a survey by J. Michael Farr, from www.jistworks.com/jstips.htm. Of all the people who were surveyed, 14% of them found jobs through the Want Ads; which could be due to the idea that those jobs are filled by the time they reach the press. Who takes those jobs before they reach the papers? Most likely by those who share the same practice as the 30% of people who found their jobs through direct employer contact.

Going back to rappers and actors, they are right. It is all who you know. According to the survey 36%, the highest percentage, of people gained their employment through networking. I can testify that this is true, because every job that I've ever hopped through hoops for, after finding it through the classifieds, has turned me down; where as, all the jobs that I have had in my life were found using my six degrees of separation.

Go figure, all that talk of setting a good example and having a good reputation does pay off. Tally that one up as another token of knowledge that I wish I had as a teenager.

I Wish Global Warming Would Hurry Up...

...I mean seriously. I believed Al Gore when he said there was global warming on the horizon, why debate a man who invented this glorious Internet, I just wish it'd hurry up already. For that last two days here in Oregon, due to snow, I have been working on a mad case of cabin fever; using the dueling schools of thought in psychology as my entertainment. If only we as Oregonians could order up some of that global warming for the months of November through March we'd be set. Heck, let's have it year round so we can grow Mangoes.

Oh yeah, I think I just convinced myself to use hairspray, buy an SUV and raise methane releasing cows. Never underestimate the power of ones mind.

Sister-In-Law + M-80 = Humorous Musing

My wife interrupted my studies today to read to me this myspace bulletin posted by my sister-in-law. Enjoy.

so today i was just like walking to lunch and i was talking to my little brother jaron like 10 seconds before and he walked ahead of me and i was just thinking oh i'm so happy today tra la la .. AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A FREAKING M80 FALLS BETWEEN MY LEGS AND BLOWS UP!!!!i was like WHAT THE HECK! i didn't even scream though i was just like oh crap! and it was just really loud and it kind of hurt my ears but i just kept walking and my assistant principal was sitting there and she goes omg are you ok?! i was like yeah i was just kind of like surprised and then i felt something coming down my leg so i looked down and i was bleeding so i was like oh crap what the heck.. that sucks.. and so she takes me to the nurses office and they're like what happened? and the lady was like an M80 just blew up right beside her i was like oh great i don't know what that is and she goes that's a 1/4 stick of dynamite i was like oh my that sucks and then i started laughing because i was so shaking up and scared that it was just funny to me i was like oh my gosh i don't even know what to do ... like i just got asploded by a 1/4 stick of dynamite!! so they call my mom and all the rizz razz and the security came and talked to me and i filled out an incident report and then yeah they wrapped up my leg and i was good to go.then my mommy took me out of school and i went and cashed my check.That's my story.pretty crazy yeah....☼♥♀

I Wannabe Hardcore

After viewing a picture of Arsenal's Emmanuel Adebayor with his core exposed; I, American Gooner and fitness guru (see first post), have decided to labor and obtain an amazing core and overall muscle mass similar to that of the Arsenal striker. If you look at the tale of the tape, I feel this quest is in theory possible... the gaining of 15 pounds, not so much the washboard abs.

I feel another contributor to my quest of buffness, with emphasis on my core, is the commercial with Peyton Manning. It was Manning that stated if you're not in your early twenties you should give up on the "rock-hard abs" and since your's truly is still in his bottom twenties now's the time. HOORAH. Usually I don't take the words of people that can't understand the term "football" and continue to use their hands, but if someone gives advice in my favor I'll definitely see them as credible. That being said, look out world, I'm bringing sexy back.

Happiness is Awesome

Dear cynical cesspool known as the Internet,

I am here to proclaim to all the antagonistcally negative people of the world that happiness is awesome. It matters not what mud has been slung leading up to the Iowa caucus or what inappropriate one-liner was said regarding whatever news article you've read because if you're not happy it ain't worth it.

This brings me to the real reason I blog, I feel it's responsible to mention these because I've already made note of the blog attributes I'd like to avoid. I blog to present the world with the small portions of life that make me happy, so in turn to spread happiness like the plague -- that's right a plague of pastel colored bunny rabbits bouncing around to a Bob Marley album, don't forget the PEZ.... man do I love PEZ.

In honor of the great Bob Marley, I'd like to end this entry with a quote; "Just can't live that negative way...make way for the positive day!" 'Til next time, CAPTAIN MIKE OUT! (Like Ryan Seacrest.)

I want to make an entry...

...but I have no idea what to write about. Here are a few reason as to why I can become blog-blocked.

1. Politics - Blogging about politics gets boring, it's all the same regurgitated non-sense spewing from the blogger's biased pundit of choice. Plus if you're a successful political blogger 75% of your readers loathe you.


2. Lack of Substance - Though I can come up with hilarious punchlines at the drop of a hat, I'm not a bottomless pit of hilarious anecdotes. I don't like talking about nothing, I leave that up to Seinfeld.


3. Myspace Syndrome - I want to avoid getting Myspace syndrome, this condition occurs when your blog lacks substance, blogging for the sake of blogging... like what I am doing right now.

That being said, I'm ending this now. Here is a big red wagon that is in Spokane.

You Can't Spell Home without...

O as in Oh yeah...

After traveling to three different states using two different forms of transportation, one of which I despise, a grand total of 2,000 miles in 5 days; I can now say that my travel bug is hibernating for a while.